July '05  Quilting Deficity Disorder

This Just In….. A new disorder has been recently discovered that affects thousands of people across the country.  QDD, or Quilting Deficit Disorder is a disabling frustrating condition which shuts down the decision-making process and renders the quilt-maker unable to stay on task to finish a project.  She (sometimes he) flits from one project to the next like a car radio searching out a station when the seek button is pressed. The cause of the condition is still unknown, although a link is suspected to the adrenaline rush of a stash-building expedition.  Apparently the scent of new fabric induces the brain to release a chemical that stimulates the cortex, sending thousands of “quilt-lets” into the subdural visual quadrant.  The affected person becomes giddy with a false sense of ability to create each and every one of the quilt-lets by the next guild meeting. Most often this is a 4-6 day window.  Many of the anticipated projects get started but the maker becomes dis-enchanted with the choice of colors, or perhaps the difficulty of the process, and sets it aside to start yet another.  The resulting problem is frequent changing of thread, growing mounds of fabric scraps, and an unending pile of UFOs, leading to despair and lack of confidence (from friends and family who were expecting to receive the quilt-lets).  A cure has not been found but there are some medications available, the side-effects including dry mouth, frequent urination, cramping, sleep loss, Spanish moss, dyslexia, scalp itch, mood swings, tire swings, low resale value on your home, bed sores, large pores, craving s’mores, hammer toes, and afros.  But you can make one heckuva quilt